so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
