I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
