I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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