mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize