I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
