Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize