So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My balls are so social today.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
