so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize