also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
