Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
