remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize