She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
