This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What a dumb baby whore.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
