I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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