I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
