ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
