i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
