i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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