yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
