We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm like, not good at living.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
