I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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