I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
