She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
