This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize