You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We're facebook friends in real life
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
