We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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