Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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