i think i have two assholes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
