I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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