When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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