Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
