You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
