I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
