if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
