i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
