watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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