I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
