Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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