Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
