you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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