Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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