so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
