I just pynch a tree in the face
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
