I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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