omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
