I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
