Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize