I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
