And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
