never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm at about main and main street
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
