dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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