Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
