Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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