I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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