Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
