So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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