are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
