I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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