i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
