Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
