hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
