He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
