During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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