I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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