after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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