I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
